booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
