please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize