If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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