man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
