I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
