do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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