youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
