had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
