suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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