I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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