He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
