Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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