I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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