i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
