hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
