i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
