How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
