mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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