I wish I could teleport
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
