please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
