im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
