it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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