I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
