why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
