I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
