I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's the barista slut.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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