At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
