hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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