Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
