Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
