So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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