...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
