shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
