I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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