I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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