If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
