dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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