She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's always time for handjobs
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
