So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
