just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
