How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
