I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
