I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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