East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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