okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
