FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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