I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
