Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
