Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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