If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
