D3 body, D1 cock
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
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