You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
