having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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