just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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