mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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