If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Someone signed my nipple.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
