All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
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I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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