Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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