Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
