Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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