so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
