Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
