Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
