That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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