I am spending my child support on dildos
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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