You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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