i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
