this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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