And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
