when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
