Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
