last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
