# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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