got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
