I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
