he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
