Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
