you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We need a shit load of segways right now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
my liver is dry heaving
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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