So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
